1* MEN NEED APPRECIATION: Remember why you fell in love with your partner. Make a list of his top ten character traits that caused you to want to be with him in the first place. Make a conscious effort to appreciate and compliment him. Even simple domestic tasks, like picking up takeout and taking out the garbage can be appreciated.
2* MEN NEED RESPECT: The two worst enemies of respect are criticism and judgment. This includes making him wrong or scolding him like a child. Above all else never berate him in public or you will lose him for good. It is imperative that a woman create a safe nonjudgmental space for her significant other or a man will shut down emotionally and sexually.
3* MEN HATE COMPLAINTS: The words “you” and “why” will send your guy into defense mode. Men are competitive by nature so he may fight with you when he feels challenged. Turn complaints into requests. Try starting with “I love it when you……” or “It makes me so happy when you……” This alone will cause him to sit up and take notice.
4* MEN FEEL EMOTIONALLY DISADVANTAGED: Research suggests emotions are overwhelming for men. They tend to operate off the logical side of the brain. So when faced with an emotionally charged woman a man will respond in anger 80% of the time. This coping mechanism is what he uses to attempt to gain control. A man cannot help but to be attracted to a woman who exercises emotional self control.
5* A MAN’S ATTENTION SPAN IS 2-3 MINUTES: Condense the story. Know yourself and how many words you need to speak, divide by four. That is about how many words he can physiologically handle, more than that and your message will be camouflaged. You may also set him up to fail and set yourself up for disappointment when he fails to recall your running commentary. Practice listening more, talking less. If he needs the juicy details, he will ask. Also, monopolizing all his time and energy could associate you with unpleasant feelings.
6* A MAN’S SCOREBOARD: The male neural circuit is wired with a scoreboard. They are competitive creatures by nature. There is only a win or a loss, nothing else matters. If you criticize him, it is an automatic loss. That is why he needs adventure and business and sports challenges. He needs to win. When he has not made you happy, that is a loss. And a loss is failing. Set him up to win and always reward his efforts.
7* A MAN’S MOST FEARED WEAPON: A woman’s angry tongue can be a man’s most destructive enemy. A deadly weapon as any guy will attest to. Make a conscious effort to reclaim that sweet, soft feminine voice you were born with. Nothing shuts down communication like a woman’s irritated tone or harsh criticism. Studies show the majority of men hear voice tone over words. Talk slower and softer and I guarantee he will react better. Instead of correcting your partner, positively impact your relationship with your speech. And lastly, do not underestimate the power of sultry, flirtatious suggestions. You will train him to respond eagerly to your voice.
thanx to Denise Wade, Ph.D.